FEELING SO DONE WITH ALL THAT PUSH, PUSH, PUSHING? ME TOO.

I’m the kind of girl that needs space and time—time to think, time to dream, time to reflect, time to get out of my head for a while.

Life gets cluttered and because a lot of my world happens online that means a shit tonne of digital clutter as well. Social media. Emails. Webinars. Marketing. Facebook Groups. Newsletters. Blog posts. You get the picture (probably all too clearly, or maybe not—because it’s hard to see through all that clutter).

When things start to get overwhelming I know I need to STOP and take a beat—maybe throw an impromptu dance party or grab my guitar and sing until my heart is happy or just-get-some-freaking-fresh-air.

My business and creative work is important but as my own #girlboss, I have to remember that if I’m burnt out and brittle, ain’t nobody gonna be happy.

Take last week, I was push, push, pushing to get a project out the door and back to my team who was patiently waiting for me to finish already. But I was exhausted. See me and my magical muse don’t always see eye to eye when it comes to sleep. She thinks I should stay up and play and in return for my sleepless night she’ll reward me with more creative ideas than I know what to do with.

Like seriously—sometimes I get to the point that I do not know what to do with them all.

Don’t get me wrong, I am eternally grateful for bursts of creative inspiration. But when I get out of bed the following morning it can sometimes feel like I’ve been hit by an inspiration avalanche and I don’t know where to even begin digging myself out.

That’s where I was last week, totally overwhelmed, running on empty and stuck in overdrive—you see where this metaphor is going.

My sweetheart saw it too and knowing that “introvert Casey” craves her alone time he whisked my daughter away for a daddy-daughter night, leaving me our big, beautiful, empty house all to myself. I would love to say that I immediately drew a bath and put on some chill tunes; or made a delicious little meal and poured myself a glass of wine; or indulged in some other sort of exquisite self care—but I can’t, cause that’s not what happened.  

Instead I hugged them at the door, waved as they drove away and immediately went back to work—push, push, pushing.

By the time they got home, many hours later, I was DONE. Every muscle in my body was clenched and my eyes felt like they had been open for seventeen days—and to say that I was “not in the most pleasant of moods” would be what you’d call a “massive understatement”.

Here they had given me this giant gift of time, so I could rest and recharge and I’d gone and wasted it. And to top it off they showed up with a week’s worth of groceries; the new glass storage containers I had mentioned wanting; and even a freaking bouquet of fresh flowers!

So what does one do when presented with such thoughtfulness and love?

Well if you’re me and you’re DONE you proceed to critique their grocery purchases of course:

“This isn’t the brand we use.” “Why did you buy two of these, we’ll never use them.” And, “You forgot the tomatoes.”  Ah, such sweetness and appreciation.

This was of course closely followed by the inevitable tsunami of guilt, resulting in my dissolving on my bed in a puddle of tears and self recrimination. Then apologies and hugs. Then a couple more days of beating myself up over the whole thing.  

I know you know what I'm talking about.

And that's not why I started my business. I did it to grow, and to change. To support my family, and to support my creativity. To be a role model for my daughter.

Not to snipe at my family when they walk through the door.

And you know the solution? Time. Space. Freedom to play and to love and to not get bogged down in the work—in other words the know how to stop all that push, push, pushing.

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